Self Love


How much do you love yourself? How much resources and effort do you allocate to loving yourself? Do you perceive yourself as an asset or a liability?

Self love is part of a converging three pillar set of traits that work towards building your self esteem, the other two components of the self esteem pillar are self respect and self



My article today focuses on Self love and is meant to align your mind as well as get you set towards the journey of self discovery as an asset while building on your self esteem in being a citizen of the universe, it’s as well aimed at getting you to serve others better rather than just serving yourself to your own needs.

A lot of times we find ourselves doing much to show others we love them, but very little if not nothing to care for our selves. This practice ensures we are walking in the isle of not feeling good in ourselves, similar to times we don’t approve of ourselves simply because we grew up with no one to believe in us. It is important in life to have people who believe in you to help you develop self belief.

Another main occurrence that keeps us from believing in ourselves is that we have all done things that we don’t feel good about, those that if we had to do them again we’d do them differently or not do them at all. Those that we regret having done and hence connect to the feel of the lower weaker us, similar to the effects of Sin we have committed and probably those we never repented or asked for forgiveness.

People who’ve hurt us or done us wrong, things that we have done, those that we’ve hurt, that we feel bad about, maybe when you were a bad person, lied or haven’t been a good father, Mother, sister or brother, no one knows this except you, something you really regret, we all have some of that and if you can’t find it probably you are lying to yourself. None of us escapes this because it is our human way of life.

Whatever you have in your environment is a reflection of your mental consciousness, so some chaos are a representation of some disorganized, cluttered sections in your mind, (If you do not like your current situation, then you need to change your mental diet)

let’s see how we can get involved actively in eliminating that disorganized part and section of your mind to cleaning out the clutter in our life.

As the saying goes, if you wish to change the world, you have to begin by making your bed and the space in your immediate environment.

Lets begin by what it is you can get out of your life and get that disorganized part of your mind cleaned out and in turn your physical environment.

Our active involvement in this is to bring changes to us which in turn puts us back into the path of greatness.

How we can go about this;

1. Find out the kind of relationships and company you are keeping with people and the society. There is always a good fraction of people around you cluttering up your life, holding and occupying spaces that other more useful and resourceful persons could be holding, limiting and stagnating your capability to grow.

People who have not accepted greatness themselves do not study, they do not have time for growth and development and to work on their minds, they are just too busy for that.

People that have a strong sense of self approval have a high expectation from themselves and from life and from others.

2. Find inside of you people and situations you need to forgive, holding on to issues you can forgive harbors you to a stationary perspective as sometimes you have to task your mind to remember how you were wronged. (Forgive in order to be forgiven yourself). To get on to this, employ your empathy traits, Learn to see things their way and from their point of view.

3. Holding on to a grudge hurts you and not the person you hold it against, so just for good health and peace of mind, let it go. Any feeling of resentment and anger is a “load of bitterness within”.

Every thought that we think about produces a chemical that has an impact in our body immune system making us vulnerable to all kind of illnesses.

Most times the people you hold a grudge against don’t even know you are hating on them. Most of the time they are never worth you sacrificing yourself or your resources (energy, time, effort and mind) or a minute of peaceful mind, it’s important to note that one minute of anger robs you 60 seconds of happiness, so decide, be the smarter one in life and let it go so you can grow.

4. Stop procrastinating, we continuously put things off over and over because we do not have either acceptance of our own selves or don’t feel good enough and end up sabotaging our efforts by not taking care of business, we get really busy doing some other things and give our time away until we have no time for ourselves, allowing other things that don’t make much sense to us take center stage.

A way to combat this is, if there’s something you have to do, do it now, there shall never be a perfect ideal time other than now in this timeline.

5. Ask someone trustworthy and close to you, a lot of time people can see what we can’t see about ourselves and can always give us pointers from a perspective we never have.

To determine the height of your self approval, its important that you evaluate yourself because you know yourself best but its almost impossible to get it done by yourself, get someone close enough who’s been observing you or has been around, one whom you value their opinion, get to ask them how they rate you in terms of your self esteem then compare that with your own observation, this is because we have a blind spot in our own lives that others see better that we can.

6. Define your expectations in life, answer the questions “What do I expect from life” what of my business, my relationship, what is the ideal day for this expectation.

A lot of people expect nothing from life so they don’t put in much, they are not preparing for much, theirs is to just keep showing up in life, wake up in the morning and go through daily routines, clocking in and out just to see another pay cheque as they watch the clock steadily move, you ought to do something about it, examine your expectations vs your wishes, some people wish to do better while others expect to do better.

7. Develop compassion for yourself despite your human defects, as a human being, you will never be perfect. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not and will never be perfect), before you can truly love yourself, you have made a lot of mistakes and are not through with them, make it alright, its alright to make mistakes, learn to be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to learn from your experience. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons to be learnt.

8. Self deception. Be true to yourself, you can never afford to lie to yourself, some people are such liars that they can afford to lie to themselves, keeping the truth away from themselves even when they are just by themselves.

9. Make yourself a priority, your number one brand to work on each and everyday, keep working at yourself without tiring, you could as well think of self neglect as a sin.

10. Gratitude, be thankful for what you already have, return thanks for skills, knowledge, opportunities, health and all you can find to give thanks for.

11. Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.

12.Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong and centered as well as moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic habitual patterns that get you into mental clutter, keeping you stuck in the past and lessen self-love or the future and asking yourself “what if” as you worry and get fearful of anything you think might go wrong.

13.Challenge your negative story about yourself. Identify an old story that reminds you of why you are bad. Find a way to challenge this interpretation. Ask yourself if you acted in a manner not pleasing to you or irresponsibly and if there were circumstances that influenced your behavior. Perhaps you experienced past trauma, or you were caught in a stressful situation. Now commit to try and learn from the experience, rather than beat yourself up over it. Other ways to challenge the story are to ask yourself if you’re seeing things in either black or white (Good or evil), if you’re being too judgmental, or if you’re seeing the situation from only one perspective. Are there other, kinder ways to view the situation? Are you expecting perfection rather than allowing yourself to be human?

14. Take care of yourself, make caring for you the highest priority in your life this year, no one teaches us to love ourselves or to become sensitive to our wants, needs and desires so make a conscious effort.

15. Get your peace of mind and health, this is more important than any other thing, simply because if you don’t have peace of mind or have health issues, you can’t offer service to anyone.

In conclusion.

Loving yourself has got nothing to do with looks, cars, wealth and all materialistic things that one would assume would make you love yourself more.

Its a matter of knowing your value, your self worth, independent of other peoples belief in you and love for you.

We all have greatness within us, but if we do not work towards finding or developing it, if you are not trying to find out what’s fit for you, you are positioning yourself to be an unfulfilled person.

Don’t neglect yourself by putting your dreams on the background as you attend to other people’s dreams lest you become resentful and bitter.

So start taking care of yourself, looking out for you, develop a health plan, eat nutritious meals, exercise your body, personal grooming and just loving yourself.

Do some good stuff for yourself on purpose, sometime take an off for yourself, it helps you manage things instead of them managing you, giving yourself more personal power to deal with things.

It is true that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself and the more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating.

I wish to leave you with quotes to stay fired up on loving yourself.

  • You can’t be a high achiever if you don’t feel good.

  • If you never take care of your needs, you will always have that song at the back of your mind asking “When do I get mine”

  • If you don’t lookout for you, who is going to do it better than yourself, no one!

  • Most people are running of empty, with no sense of self love, don’t be part of most. Strive and stand out.

  • To be the best version of yourself, you have to know what your true value is.

  • The most powerful relationship you will ever have is with yourself.

  • Self-love, self respect and self approval do not equal to selfish.

  • Make yourself a priority once in a while, it is not selfish, it is necessary.

  • You can’t love another person until you love yourself first.

  • There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face


Frank Odhiambo

Mind Grid perspectives

6 thoughts on “Self Love

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    1. Thank you for Labake for your kind complement. My perspective on time and it’s effect on subjects of interest is that time acts as a check point on how much achievement is attained within/by a certain time. i however advice that at the beginning, one should focus on full understanding of the issue before you subject it to the strain of time. Seek full understanding of your interest at your own pace before you can introduce the element of time. To achieve this, you have to view time as an illusion so it puts little or no pressure on you while seeking to gain depth in understanding. There after, you can introduce time after achieving the understanding needed. Understanding comes first before time subjection, you can only play and adjust time after you fully understand and not vice versa. Remember the mathematical formula with variables and constants? Make time your constant as you seek to gain understanding, there after you can make it a variable. For it is of no use to submit an assignment on time without full understanding. You’d rather submit it late with full understanding, Somehow, the world always has another chance for those who understand because they can repeat what they have already learnt, or sarcastically phrased, you’d rather read the bible once in your whole lifetime and fully understand, than reread it 20 times without understanding.


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