In my article this week, i take your to a dive into one of the most common human emotions “fear”. With main aim being to bring to surface the role and purpose of fear in our lives.
All of us have experienced fear at one time or another, some, more often than they would like to admit.
We are born with it hard wired into our DNA.
Fear checks into us effortlessly, however, we should never allow it to conquer and stop us from moving on.
Fear is an energy that closes our thoughts down, contracts our inner visions, draws us back, hides, hoards and can sometimes harm.
Love on the other side goes the exact opposite way; it is an energy that opens up, expands, sends out, maintains, reveals, shares and heals, this is as defined by Neale Donald Walsch.
In another definition, fear is an emotion that puts our minds into a state we get to experience caused by external events that trigger events within us.
Fear is no different from the rest of the emotions we know as it affects our thoughts just like happiness, anger, frustration, joy, inner peace, confidence and all other emotions our bodies get to experience through our lifetime.
Fear is the first aspect in our human experience, from the time we enter this world, opt to cry when we succumb to it and maybe later as little masters get to use it as a tool to demand for attention from our parents by taking them through tantrum experiences that cause panic within them to get us what we want. We need to learn and work hard to transform it’s energies and effects within us and get to use them to our advantage without letting it hold us back.
How fear works
Fear apparently prepares our bodies to react efficiently to dangers we face. Once we sense a potential danger, our body releases hormones that either Slow or shut us down by temporarily paralyzing our functional self or Sharpen functions that help us survive. Our heart rate increases and blood flows to the muscles so we can react better. At the same time, our bodies increase the flow of hormones to that part of the brain known as “Amygdala” responsible for reactions to help us take on the presenting dangers.
We further take a look at how fear manifests in three major classifications.
Through thoughts of you loosing or having lost something you already have.
Through thoughts and ideas of you not getting what you are working towards. This presents as doubt. Most times begins by asking oneself what would happen if they don’t achieve that which they desire to have.
Aligning our thoughts to failure.
How does fear affect people’s lives?
Our answer can be tied to one thing: REGRET. Regret leads to emotions like: Unhappiness, Emptiness, Stress, Self pity, Disappointment, Inadequacy, Unsatisfied, Bitterness, Depression and Problems. This is because fear has a tendency to present around other energies and never on it’s own.
When your fears grow bigger than you can handle or overcome, your thoughts go down the rocky road of regret, which contributes majorly to the frustrations you realize.
The more you think about something, the more of it you get to see. The more you think about a particular car, the more of it you get to see on the roads.
This stream of thought allows us to translate our subject to; the more fear you connect with, the larger fear grows within you. (Part of the main lesson in the story line of the 2018 adventure, action and fantasy movie “Justice League” where fear feeds on fear). A small element of it in us is enough to attract a mountain of from out there or simply put, we are magnets that pull the likes in us from out there.
When we experience fear, our minds behave similar to the aperture of a camera; closes up and stops paying attention to the world outside of our focus, in this case, the immediate world surrounding us.
Trying to work itself to what is comfortable and familiar to it. When our fears are gone, the aperture of our minds widens to become open, active and alive, this changes our perception of everything including what we feel within us.
A fearful mind is characterized by spikes of the questions most common being “What if” it then goes further ahead to give a negative statement for an answer, like “I don’t make it”.
This negative energy forces our minds into a prison taking us back to the same old reasoning patterns which hold us back from doing anything in regards to changing situations we are experiencing; be it financial, emotional or even psychological. This situation can best be described by those who stay in abusive relationships hoping to find their ways out miraculously without them putting any efforts. To overcome this, one has to focus their thoughts on what they deem to find when they change their situations, not what they lose.
How do we take control and manage our fear.
Let us imagine fear as a wild stallion, imagine approaching one without good handling skills, bear in mind you could easily get kicked, bitten or even trampled upon.
On the other hand if you have some skills you can approach the horse cautiously and over time if you treat it well, can build a good relationship with it and eventually ride it.
I know not much about handling horses but I do know something about handling fear.
With a simple ABC formula, we can able to take a step closer to our fears and increase our chances of understanding them or in mastery context bring them to manageable levels.
Allow your fears in, experience it.
Befriend it and
Channel it its energies to seeking your goals.
In the context of the stallion we used above.
You first have to allow yourself get close to it. There is a huge amount of energy within the emotion fear, it gives sharpened reflexes, increased muscle tone, heightened awareness and great strength. It’s like potent fuel we have never discovered how to use, one that we ought to learn how to handle.
Befriend it, When you want to tame a wild horse, you getting close to it is never enough. You have to build a positive relationship with it and win it’s trust.But just how do we get to do that? From what the movies teach us, you approach it cautiously talking softly and gently, getting closer and closer, once close enough offer it some tasty food if it let’s you, you can then stroke it while you keep taking calmly and soothingly. Showing it how much you are a friend than a threat.
Channel it. Tell yourself this is my brain’s way of alerting me of a challenge I’m facing. Understand that fear is not out to get you but to provide a life experience. It help’s you handle situations effectively by calling upon your full capability and focus to the dangers around you.
Fear revolved present’s strength, speed, focus and stamina to get the job at hand done, so help it to do what it does best, pump Adrenaline into your system to propel you, but this time to something useful, meaningful and life enhancing, in other words, channel it.
Fear allows us to face risks and threats in the most alert of our state, preparing us for necessary action should it be required.
Be helpful and collaborative, recognize you are on the same team rather than facing one another as opponents. Don’t fight it, it’s there to support you by signaling and letting you know that there is a challenge you need to face.
In the case of the stallion, wanting to use it to our advantage would mean we saddle it up and ride it, and so it is with fear.
Fear bears this characteristic that can be mastered with practice.
If you have come across neuro-linguistic programming, then you must be knowing of the different emotional state and patterns and how we can understand and control these emotions within us in as much as they are triggered externally.
A typical example of this is when we get news on recession or a drop in the economy. We develop different jitters, depending on the persons we are. Different people triggered in different ways, both emotionally and psychologically.
For some it’s the emotion of fear that gets triggered while for others a thrill for finding and seizing opportunities presented with the situation.
We are totally in no control of the outside world, but have 100% control of our inner world and determine the meaning we make of situations, depending on how we decide to go about it, which most times depends on our knowledge, upbringing and past experiences, it further determines what we focus on.
Ask yourself the following questions when faced by fears and find out if you are able to gain some ground on it.
What’s my body like when I experience fear, analyze the expressions. Does it cause tension, heavy breathing, give a feeling of closed off, avoid eye contact? What expression do I get to show on my face.
What do I focus on as a reflex? What do I get to think about when fear strikes. Most likely it’s in the negative however, how you decode this determines how you handle the whole situation.
What are the words I use, what kind of language pattern do I assume and what exactly do you tell yourself?
Watch out for these common words “I’m not good enough”, “it wouldn’t work out” and similar, which often keep you paralyzed from reason and function.
Most of the fear we have in life is comprised of contemplative thoughts that keep rerunning in our minds when it best suits the emotions we are experiencing.
It’s major repercussion is that, we are held back from actioning what we need to do or change, often things we are capable of doing to change a situation or in other words, inability to act or paralysis to take action.
We have much more power in ourselves than we ever know but most times channel it to worries and negative thoughts asking ourselves What if questions, one after the other.
Once you understand something it turns up not as terrifying as it was before even becoming noble. Once something becomes noble, you can develop competence around it and grow more confident around the subject, which in-turn gives more confidence in that area and better ability to handle the whole situation.
This is called the confidence/competence loop in psychology. The more you understand something, the more confident you become around it.
Part of reorienting our lives is rising above our fears while focusing on the things that we stand to gain instead of those we stand to lose.
Think “I might lose stipends but am going to gain more freedom or, am going to lose that position but gaining more challenges and experience”.
It is focusing on the gains that drive and pull us through the fears that come to mind.
We are built with an incredible mechanism that is constantly keeping us away from danger and anything that might causes us pain or harm, and will without fail push us to keep us safe.
When we realize danger around us, we begin contemplating in our minds the different kind of pains we do not wish to experience. Keeping us focused more on what we do not want rather than what we want.
Flip around your fears and position your thoughts to a fully charged thrilling life of gain.
Fill your mind with the good that befalls changing causes in your life.
When you focus on the positive, you cause a change from which you get control of your mind and channel it’s energies better and to your advantage.
Please note, genuine confidence is not the absence of fear, but a transformed relationship with it.
You do not have to be fearless, just don’t let fear control or stop you.
With that said, i leave you with a few quotes to challenge our minds around this subject.
Fear is poor management of our mental faculty.
Fear consumes self.
Fear is the door through which doubt comes to us.
Fear paralyses one from acting.
F.E.A.R. -Feeling Excited And Ready
F.E.A.R -False Evidence Appearing Real.
Fear is necessary to heighten awareness
Understand that fear has a role in our lives.
Curiosity will conquer even more than bravery will – James Stephens
You can observe what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to threaten you.- Erick Hoffer
Fear requires a perfect balance between thoughts, situations and environment off operation.
Mind Grid Perspectives